Hi Friends-
I’ve just got done working and decided to do as my grandmother Viola would and make myself a proper dirty martini. See, I can’t help but think about how right now I should be going back to my room after a long day of hanging out by the pool with the folks from Marge’s Lakeside Inn – I should be showering the salt, sweat and Mexican lager off my sunburnt body to get ready for an evening of delicious food completed by a nighttime walk down the Malecon boardwalk in Puerto Vallarta…but I’m not because of a shitty virus that shares the name with one of our favorite friendly Mexican beers…so in steps the martini and my blog to reminisce of the beautiful place that I was so excited to share with you. Thankfully, the vacation is postponed to next year, provided we all do our part, mix our drinks at home, and try our damnedest to #flattenthecurve.
Lets start at the beginning…

Picture of the view upon entering the resort. The sun had come out and the view out over Banderas Bay was perfect.
Sarah and I have been to Puerto Vallarta in the past. In fact we have been to Mexico the most out of all of our travels and we have yet to have a bad time there. We think it is crazy when others say they want to avoid Mexico because we truly love it there. We’ve also stayed in many different resorts owned by AMResorts and have never been disappointed; Secrets Vallarta Bay is no exception.
Francine and I visited PVR in June 2019. We wanted to scope out a couple different spots to see which might be the best for the group. We flew Delta from Rochester with one connection on our way to PVR. I can’t recall the exact flight time but it was not bad at all. Upon arrival to the PVR airport we breezed through customs and hopped a short cab ride (under 10 min) to our resort Secrets Vallarta Bay. I was excited to be back in Mexico again and to share the quality of a Secrets resort with Francine. There was just one problem upon arrival…it was rainy and grey. June is not the best season to visit this area, but we were planning our groups visit for March/April – a time that sees much more sun…we just had to find a way to look past the overcast that currently clouded our view. It didn’t take long for that to happen.
We were shown to our room on the Preferred Club side of this adult-only resort:

Preferred Club Room with 2 double beds
The bellhop escorted us up to the room with our luggage and made sure we understood everything in the room and how it worked. He also mentioned that our butler would be in contact if we needed anything throughout the week…yes a butler, one of the many perks of being in the Preferred Club.
Once we were settled, we headed to the lobby to meet some of the resort staff to start our tour. We were visiting with the intent to bring back the whole group of Marge’s vacationers the following Spring – so the staff was out to show us their best. They started the tour by greeting us with a tray full of cocktails and suddenly our grey skies were looking a bit brighter:

The staff greated us with these custom Marge’s cocktails

The pool on the top left of this photo is the one with the killer swim up bar. We plan on spending lots of time here next April:)
After that they took us on a tour of the entire resort, including all these pools!
We had a private tour of each restaurant on property, so much variety and delicious food…we sampled Margaritas in the Mexican restaurant and some of the best fresh-made guacamole I have ever had. They even took us through the kitchen for the whole resort, it was one of the most impressive parts of the tour – our jaws dropped at how giant, clean and sparkly everything appeared.

Outside the Mexican restaurant…just a little sunburned;)
We popped up to the casino quickly to check it out. We were impressed as most resort casinos are fairly small and full of smoke. This one has a large bar with tons of flat screen TV’s and a good amount of slot machines. I forgot to snap photos but I found some on the resorts website to share:


After the casino they showed us a room on the family side of the resort – called “Now Amber”. Though it is beautiful, the Now Amber side is not adult-only so we were fairly certain we weren’t interested in our group staying here….however the room they showed us was beautiful and then of course there was this:
We were so impressed with our tour overall. The kitchen, the spa, all the restaurants, and the staff were top notch. They showered us with lotion samples, little bottles of tequila, drinks, & kindness. Afterwards we took all of our swag and headed to one of the many bars to check out the drink selection. They had all the mexican lagers, including one I’m partial to, Pacifico:)

We wrapped up the day with a great meal at the Italian restaurant. They have an expansive wine selection and a tequila cart that rolls around just incase you’d like to spice things up a bit…we indulged in a sipper to accompany our dessert.
The next morning we woke up to witness an early calm over the Banderas Bay. We ordered breakfast to our room, another perk of the preferred club and sat to enjoy the view, our coffee, and a mimosa…duh:)

Room service – an included perk of the Preferred Club!

Morning view out of our balcony. Looking right over the pool bar and Banderas Bay.
It seemed like there still might be a bit of cloud cover, so we made plans to visit the Malecon boardwalk. One of the best parts of being in Puerto Vallarta is being able to peruse the Malecon boardwalk; full of art, shops, food and tons of Mexican culture. Lucky for us the Malecon is just a 5 minute cab ride from the lobby of the resort, or if you are feeling ambitious a 25-30 min walk down the beach.
The Malecon is roughly 12 miles long and is the seaside heartbeat of Puerto Vallarta. It is scattered with sculptures that overlook the beach and sea.

Some of the sculptures are perfect seaside photo opps!
One of the best things about Mexico are the affordable prices that you can find, especially outside the resorts. Right now the exchange sits at about 24 Mexico Pesos to every American Dollar. Francine and I picked a second floor cantina to stop in for some drinks and snack. They had a great selection of different margaritas. I opted for a Mango marg and Francine went for the traditional…they were so good we had a couple more to wash down our homemade chips, guacamole, and pico. Oh so delicious…we could have sat there and gazed at the sea all afternoon but there was much more to explore. We requested “la cuenta” the bill and were pleased to see that our total after a few drinks each and a heap of freshmade Mexican snacks was only around $25 American Dollars!

Seaside margaritas along the Malecon.

Lots of art along the Malecon.
We continued our stroll down through the shops and restaurants. Francine bought a beautiful ring from a local jewelry store, we scoped out some stops that might be fun for the nightlife and sat down to watch the crazy Papantla Pole Flyers or Flying bird-men. These men dress in colorful outfits, climb up to the top of very high pole, attach a rope to their legs and then slowly spin out upside down while descending.

Papantla Flying Men climbing the pole to start their performance.
Here is a video of their whole performance, check it out it is insane:
After a full day on the Malecon we headed back to the resort for dinner and some entertainment that evening.
Anyone that has visited an all-inclusive resort before knows that the on-property entertainment can often be quite strange and often times a bit pitiful…but not here. We were pleasantly surprised at the quality of the Beatles show that the entertainment team put on – complete with live music played by real musicians and great dancers. The outdoor theatre that they use is ideal as well.


The next morning we woke to find full sun beaming down, begging for us to soak it up at the pool bar – finally!

Sunny overview of the pool bar.
So Francine and I headed down to plant ourselves on a beach chair for the day. I tried to tell myself that I was into reading the book I brought for a few moments until I caved and ordered a cold Pacifico to cut the heat.

Cold Pacifico is the way to go.
This was probably our favorite day. We hopped in and out of the pool, sampling lots of the drinks in-between and talking to other guests about how great the resort is. There were staff members constantly coming over to our chairs to check on our drink levels and even a lady equipped to clean all of the salt, pool water and sunscreen off of our sunglasses. Then of course the tequila cart made another appearance:

Photo opp with the Tequila cart.
A live band set up poolside to play a nice set of fun tunes in the afternoon, everyone at the pool bar thoroughly enjoyed. There are beach vendors that walk back and forth throughout the day. However, they are not allowed to approach you unless you ask them too. Francine and I summoned a few up to our beach chairs and made some purchases. My first purchase was fresh mango on a stick drizzled with mexican hot sauce and tan spices, it was heaven. I’ve been dreaming about it ever since and I cannot believe that I now have to wait another year.

The most delicious mango you will ever taste.
Next was a vendor selling Mexican beach wraps. We decided that these were a neccaessary purchase for Katy Wright and I to wear at our next Teagan and the Tweeds gig at Marge’s Lakeside Inn. The vendor lady even offered to bedazzle them before we purchased…yes please.

Modeling my finished mango and my new stage attire.
Francine purchased some of the funny little barbie doll and action figure parachute men to fly back at the tavern…you can see one of them flying in the picture above.
There is a grill with a good lunch selection located right by the pool bar. It is easy to hop over and grab a burger or some chips & guac to bring back to your lounge chair. Being a guest of the Preferred Club, we could always grab a small sandwich or a snack at the Preferred Club lounge too.
Later on we scheduled a massage and checked out the hydrotherapy circuit in the spa. Both of us were very happy with the spa and would highly recommend that our group check it out. It is not an included service but the prices are reasonable and they seemed to be always running deals.
For dinner we visited the buffet and we were over whelmed by the size and selection. They even had my favorite for dessert, coconut ice cream.
The next morning we were scheduled for a flight out in the afternoon, allowing us enough time get a goodnight sleep, pack up our things, and visit the breakfast buffet.
You never really know what you are going to get with a breakfast buffet at an all-inclusive. We were pleasantly surprised to see a great selection of breakfast options available – fresh made omelettes, a smoothie bar, eggs anyway, all the meats, and pastries galore. They have a nice sunny outdoor patio to sit at as well as a dining room inside:

Outdoor seating at the breakfast buffet.
We caught a cab in the lobby, waved adios to the friendly staff and made the short trip to the airport to return home. Both of us were so excited to put the trip details together for our group and share with them how perfect the resort was.
Even though we have to postpone this trip to April 2021, we know that it will still be so much fun when we finally get there. We have set aside all the rooms for our group in the Preferred Club so that we have access to all the special amenities that Francine and I experianced during our visit. We are also planning a day on the water to offer the group as well as a trip to a neighboring surf town called Sayulita – Sarah D. and I have visited this awesome beach town in the past and loved the boho surf vibe that is has.
When I postponed the vacation I also grabbed some extra rooms at the hotel…so there is still space if you would like to join!
Sorry for the long blog…human contact is minimal these days so I have a lot to say, and the martini just adds fuel to the word fire 😉
-T





Salah had set up a private table for us and had his staff serve a delicious traditional Moroccan tangine with chicken, cinnamon and prunes. Olives are served before almost every meal here, along with a hearty piece of fresh bread to eat with the shared tangine. Next to Salah’s property was a big field of olive trees. The food was great, and the company was too.





































